Anon, I would write practically anything else besides taking a canonly gay character and being like, “Oh, this guy thinks she’s hot! They’re destined to be!” Like, no, Pearl has shown interest in only females, and seemed disgusted by Dewey. It’s not because it’s a straight ship, but because Dewey is a disgusting, sweaty, man-child, who uses his son for voter empathy and so much else, and I REFUSE to write a situation where Pearl is even in the same room as that man unless Steven is there and it has to do with the danger of Beach City or something of the like. Sorry, not sorry.