Hints of Pearlmethyst, and mentions of Pearlrose past, and child death. Not as bad as Peridot’s chapter though. Ao3 link.
Lithe fingers dragged through the calm and perfect water, disturbing the peacefulness of the top layer. Underneath the cool exterior, it was moving, pulsing, and pushing towards the edge of the bowl, and the graceful dancer felt, at that moment, just like the water she had perched herself on. Peaceful on the outmost layer, while a swirling storm that was tumbling towards the edge of oblivion before pouring out for a seemingly endless eternity, and finally collecting in a pool of emotions she did her best not to show, but always failed at hiding from a single soul. A beautiful analogy, if she did say so herself, because she was a mess of curling and twisting emotions she couldn’t really control, while trying to stay as calm as possible about it- and of course, always failing- and thinking of that hurt in a way she wasn’t sure how to describe if anyone ever asked her to.
Garnet was having geodes in a few weeks, and it was an odd thing to consider, because Pearl wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Shouldn’t she be happy for their possible family? Instead, the Crystal Gem was distressed about more small creatures to help clean up after and care for because they were more than likely going to fuse again before they hatched and would need the help and the fact an impending war was surely coming; just thinking about it felt weird, akin calling them Garnet, because they weren’t her at the moment, instead Ruby and Sapphire, but they were only halves of her, and she still existed in their love. Would it be best to say the two of them were having gemlings, or to stick to Garnet, because the only reason they weren’t her was because she couldn’t fuse? The hand that had swirled through the gentle water moved to press her two first fingers on either side of her gem, fighting off the headache the oldest Crystal Gem was giving herself. The entire topic was getting to be incredibly complex and troublesome to think too much of, and she was doing exactly that while she had the privacy to do so, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop, nor find the will to want to stop.
Pearl pulled her knees closer to her abdomen, resting her chin that much heavier on the limbs as she held them close with her free arm. Was it fair to be jealous of their love, really? She hated herself for it, because they deserved the happiness they got. They worked hard to have their love, and they fit so perfectly together, had been practically made for each other, and rarely did they ever see differently from one another. She hated herself for saying it, but she was jealous of their love, and hated having it rubbed so much so in her face. Not that they meant to, no, all they had done was deconstruct Garnet’s physical form willingly, because she was sick of dealing with her heat alone and they weren’t going to- they weren’t alone after all, never- and now they had to wait for Ruby’s weight to leave her physical form.
And possibly produce gemlings.
That seemed to be the hardest part of it all to process for Pearl. For so long they had danced around the problem, because they couldn’t find a way to fix it. On Homeworld, they had had teas, herbs, pills, something, to ease the ache inside a gem while in heat, so they could fight on the field and not worry about mating. Without them, it had been hard to get through it all. She spent five thousand earth years dealing with the burning in her genesac alone, trained and fought to keep the thoughts away, as it hard only drove her that much closer to losing her sanity when she entered the cycle so frequently. Oh, what she wouldn’t have done to have fought for another planet with life that the cycle came less frequently while she was on, or enough of the herbs left that Rose could have made them grow so they would have had an endless supply.
She gave a soft groan and closed her eyes, fighting the ache that was bubbling beneath her gem as she sat on the seemingly nice surface of the water while the current rushed beneath, mind reeling with thoughts over what was going to happen in the future. Peridot’s geodes were due to hatch within a few days, if the green gem was correct, and that was a hassle all it’s own that she didn’t want to deal with at the moment. Gemlings were so touchy and stupid, and had never been more than a problem for her. Useless geodes would pass through her body for revolutions before she came to earth, because she was supposed to be Pink’s- Rose’s carrier, her layer, and she refused to touch her, because she felt like it wasn’t consensual. There had only been once, with massive amounts of begging on her part before she had even gone into the cycle she had knew was approaching, before Rose had even attempted to bury her curling member in her and fertilise the shells of the young she carried.
There had been a litter of sixteen, bright and shiny and so full of life, back before the single strand of information had been taken none too delicately from her gem blueprint. Sixteen healthy gemlings, sharing their parents gemstones and Rose’s wonderful laugh and smile- they had called her mama, she remembered weakly, and tears bubbled in her eyes as she remembered watching the first one fall at the academy, remembered Rose holding her back as she sobbed herself, spending so many revolutions watching them grow, only to have them struck down in training, combat, and so many other situations. Before the rebellion, there had been half of them crushed, their powder given back to their parents, because they had failed their attempt to make strong gemlings, and the strand was removed, so it was impossible to try again, and the powder was too fine to try healing a single little soul they had held and nurtured for so long.
By now, there probably wasn’t a single one left. There probably hadn’t been for many years now, thousands even. They might have even crushed the ones who had stayed behind on Homeworld the moment rebellion was whispered in the ranks, and the five that had come with had been completely and utterly obliterated, just like the rest of their army. Five Crystal Gems had remained, then four, and now, three and a half. Maybe more, but she wasn’t sure how this geode situation was going to turn out, and didn’t want to get her hopes up, nor did she want to get anyone else’s.
She had held too many empty husks for that.
Just as she began lamenting on the geodes she had been having for such an endless eternity, the sounds of someone coming up her waterfall drew her attention from her increasingly depressing thoughts. The door hadn’t opened, and that meant that someone had come in through Amethyst’s room. Just as she was about to get up and check on who had dared to disturb her while she was alone- had purposefully been asked to be left alone- she heard a warm voice calling her name and turned, only to see the young runt they had taken in all those years ago.
“Hey Pearl! There you are! Was wondering where you went. Steven said you wanted to be alone, but that was like two hours ago, and by now, I was startin’ to get worried for ya,” she chimed, and Pearl wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand as the young gem talked. A couple hours didn’t seem right, she had only been in here for a couple minutes, hadn’t she? Earth time was too complicated for her to grasp correctly, and she only vaguely grasped the concept of years, if only because it was easy to figure out such information when they had a young half-human present, eager to teach them of the planet they had spent so long protecting, before he was even considered to exist for a fraction of a second.
“Yes, here I am. You found me, Amethyst, and I’m glad you came in to inform me that it had been a couple hours. Thank you,” she sighed, doing her best not to seem annoyed. She wasn’t really annoyed with the young gem, not really; slightly frustrated at her for coming in when she had specifically told everyone to leave her alone, sure, but she was glad for a distraction. It was welcomed with opened arms after reviewing where her thoughts had started to venture to.
“’s cool, don’t worry about it. So, whatcha doin’ up here, P? You’re all curled up in a ball, and you seem like you’ve got a gemache going on.” The purple gem was quick to unceremoniously dump her physical form next to Pearl, sprawling out on the surface of the raging rapids below, prompting the other to glance at her curiously. Had she really been that obvious, or did the other gem really know her that well? It was hard to say after so many years together on this godforsaken rock.
“I was just… Thinking, really. Nothing more to it, I assure you. I do have a bit of a headache, but it’s unrelated to my gem. More of me trying to understand some things, and trudging up bad memories.” She looked to the edge of the water, watching some of it fall to the deep, waiting pool below to collect, before sparing a chance at peeking at the purple gem. She was looking at her curiously, before she slowly sat up, a grin present on her features as she leaned closer to Pearl.
“Aw, what’s up Pearl? Are you jeeeaaalous of Ruby and Sapphire again?” At the teasing, she glanced away, fighting off a dark blush that dared to attempt taking over her cheeks like it owned them, and she refused to let it if she could fight it off. “You upset cause they’re having geodes? No more attention for the big birdie?”
“Would you please stop?” She did her best to resist the urge to grind her teeth together when she spat the words out, though they still carried every ounce of venom she felt they were required to at the moment, with the way the other gem was teasing and joking at her expense.
“Come on, I’m just messin’ with ya.”
“Well, it wasn’t funny.”
“Well, jeez, so-rry. I just thought you’d like to have some company. You looked pretty damn upset when I came up here, so I wanted to try and lighten the mood some.”
“Watch your language,” she scolded, getting an eye roll from the other and her arms crossed over her chest. She glanced away, pursing her lips as she stared to the side. Did her encounters with the other always have to be so awkward? At least with Steven around, he was a bit of a buffer, but at least they hadn’t resolved to spitting insults at each other and growling harsh words that stung more than deep scratches by blunt and chewed nails, or cuts by the shards sticking from the other’s whip.
“Whatever,” was the only reply she got for a moment, tense and awkward in the silence that followed. Why had Amethyst even come up here, to annoy her? If so, she was doing a great job of exactly that, and Pearl doubted that she had even been trying. It was surprisingly easy for her to do so, even with the short conversation they had had so far, and she could barely remember a time when things hadn’t been so tense, so awkward between them, and they were more than just awkward strangers dancing around the past they used to have together. “Damn it. Look, Pearl, I’m sorry, okay?”